You Can (NOT) Feel
by MJ1Hawk
Summary: The following story takes place between episodes FIVE and SIX, also known as "Rei I" and "Rei II." There will be some HEAVY revisions coming within the next day or so for ALL of this series. It was my first series I did so there are mistakes galore... but don't worry, I'll keep the plot totally in tact. However, I might add some new things here and there. Thank you original readers
1. Existentially Inept

**Existentially Inept**

 _The following story takes place between episodes FIVE and SIX, also known as "Rei I" and "Rei II"._

"Rei…?"

"Shinji."

"Do you ever think about death?"

"...No."

"What about life... and living?"

"...No," Rei answers quietly, "But I was told they are both one in the same."

"I… I don't know," Shinji hesitates, hugging himself tight. Goosebumps prickle his skin.

The desolate grey room Rei quietly and solemnly occupies seems colder than it ever has. All of the walls have a quarter-inch of dust permanently pasted to them. The only light that comes in is filtered through the five slits of the shades on the North-side window, and that light has a red tint eerily similar to Rei's own eye color. The bed Rei is half-tucked into has a pale white sheet hiding the sickly yellow mattress filled with stains of unknown origins. Shinji stiffly stands with his heels close together and hands clenched. His head is hung so low that his chin touches his clavicle. Shinji seems to only take up a corner of the room, but he chooses to face his body toward Rei. She stays tucked into her bed, only her waist up is exposed, and only her head is turned toward him.

"Why did you come here Shinji?"

"I… I saw you walking home from Nerv, and I wanted to talk but-"

"Why?" Shinji finally looks up for the first time since walking in three minutes ago, and he notices the state of undress she is in with her loose fully unbuttoned shirt.

"Why did you want to talk to me about death?" Rei wonders calmly, unphased by his wide-eyed immaturity.

"I-I, uh, you-your shirt, um," Shinji points ambiguously towards her and looks away.

"Why does it bother you?"

"Well, um, I haven't… seen…" Shinji stops his stuttering and shakes his head, causing his bangs to fall out of place. "I should go, I… I don't know why I asked about… stuff like that." Shinji starts to cut the distance between him and the door when he pauses his stride, "Rei?"

"Yes?" she answers, in her same position on the bed.

"For some reason… I feel like I already know you." Rei looks away for the first time, but she shows no change of emotion on her face. Somehow, it felt like someone else did it for her. Rei doesn't open her mouth. "And… I, well, I feel _something,_ " he whispers, "something I don't really know-GYAH!"

Just as Shinji turned his head back toward the room, Rei appeared three inches from his face. His eye level is at her softly curved teal eyebrows. He pins his own body against the door, failing to keep steady eye contact with her. His eyes are too busy bouncing wildly around the little room. Rei reaches a hand of hers to his right shoulder that's so thin you can make out each tendon and metacarpal. Shinji makes a "nnrgh" noise and squirms so violently that Rei retracts the hand.

"You are (not) capable of physical intimacy?"

"Wha- _INTIMACY_?!" Shinji squeaks.

"It has never crossed my mind. Yet I imagine it is part of living. Do you think so?" Rei's head slightly turns to the side, starring expectantly. Shinji's body relaxes a bit, but his voice remains loud and unsure as his hands grasp the sides of his baggy pants.

"I'm not sure… but, I'm kind of scared to… _do_ anything like…"

"Like what?"

"Uh-" Shinji scratches his neck and his eyes wander down to Rei's exposed torso. He shuts his eyes tight, "I-Igottagoseeyouatschool!"

 _SLAM_

Rei stands unphased.

…

…

Her hand reaches to her shirt and she pulls the two sides of it closed, covering herself.

 _Do you feel, Rei?_

… **..**

Rei looks toward her feet. Earbuds are knotted up on the floor. She bends to pick them up, hearing a pop in her ankle. She recognizes them as the ones Shinji wears. Her grip tightens on them.

… **..**

"I do (not) know."


	2. Existentially Conflicted

"It's raining again…" Shinji murmurs to himself, eyes half-lidded. He's seated in the middle of the classroom, slouching in his hard plastic seat. He was the first to arrive today and the room seems quite bleak. It makes him feel cold, and something like a quiet hum fills up his ears to compensate for the deafening silence.

 _Deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee_

"Stop already," Shinji groans. He reaches into his right pocket to find his SDAT. He tries the left now, and finds nothing. He grimaces, "No way did I lose them again… Misato-san is going to _kill_ me-urghhh!" He collapses onto his desk clenching the now useless device.

 _Shhfff_

 _Nckk!_

Shinji sits up and earbuds plop down onto his desk.

"They fell yesterday," says Rei in passing. She swiftly walks to her desk in the back of the room and sits contently, staring forward but not at him.

"Thank you…" he quietly calls out. She doesn't hear him. "Rei?"

…

She doesn't respond vocally or physically, so Shinji turns around, eyes downcast, and puts in his earbuds with no music.

 **Class ends.**

Shinji turns around and looks right past his newer friends, Touji and Kensuke who are flailing around and yelling loudly. His eyes focus on Rei who's standing up and leaving the room. _She's moving with a purpose_ , he thinks. He shoots out of his own seat, nearly knocking it over and causing a scene.

" _Jeeeez_ Shinji-chan, slow down will ya?" Touji barks, looking offended by almost anything Shinji does.

"Hah, sorry," Shinji remarks, rushing past him. "I have somewhere to be."

"More Eva info you wanna spill?!" Kensuke happily tries, clasping his hands over his chest.

"Um, not that I know," Shinji states, shrugging one tense shoulder. His eyes are looking out the class window checking if Rei was already gone. He didn't see her. "I'll see you guys tomorrow!" Shinji nearly runs out of the room blowing air into the faces of both boys.

"Jeeeeeez. Who does he think he _is_ dipping out on us like that?" Touji scoffs, crossing his arms.

"Maybe he's looking for Ayanami."

"Gah, why _her_ when he has Misato-san happily waiting at homeeeee?" Touji sweetly sways side to side with his hands knotted behind his back.

"I guess you'll never know," Kensuke remarks, lip turned up on one side.

 _Shhhhhhhhhhhhh_

The sound of rain now fills Shinji's ears. It's just as lonely as the silent buzz. He forgot an umbrella so he gave up on searching for Rei and decided to take the train home. While the train rattled and screeched, his thoughts constantly wander to her. _Why didn't she talk to me? Does she hate me?_ He wasn't in the right state of mind to recognize that such a conclusion was irrational. He found himself hunched over in his tight blue plastic seat clutching his chest pocket. _Does she hate me? Does she hate me? Does she hate me?_

Shinji slides the front door open to see Misato standing tall, hands on her wide hips. She unexpectedly pulls him into the house by his backpack strap.

" _Nyah!_ Misato-san!" Shinji yelps, stumbling over the doorway. He throws out his hand to brace himself against the closest wall.

"Shinji! Why didn't you tell me?!" Misato asks loudly, making him plug up one ear with his index finger. Her face carries a smile as bright as the sun. One hand of her's is gripping the house phone that's almost as long as her forearm.

"Tell _youuu?_ "

"That you and Rei are friends," Misato sang, waving a hand as if to say _obviouslyyyy._ "She called the house about five minutes ago asking for you."

"What?!" Shinji smiles bright without thinking and nearly hops out of excitement. "What did she say?!"

"She just asked if you were here and to call her later."

"Oh… ok," Shinji states in a melancholy manner.

"But I decided to have her over instead."

…..

"Really?! Wait-I'm not ready-Um-when?!" Shinji's eyes nearly fall out of his head from how wide eyed he is.

 _Dingggg-dong_

"ARGHHHHHH!" Shinji screams and sprints to his room.

"Shinji?!" Misato shouts, watching him flutter away. "What a weird kid…" she mumbles under her breath. She opens the door to find Rei holding a bent white umbrella in a modest blue dress the same color as her hair.


	3. Existentially Confused

Shinji frantically pulls off his wet clothes.

"Come onnnnn, get _offfff_!" he hisses at his black pants, clinging to him for dear life. The pants just won't come off around his ankle. He hops over to his bed on one foot and plops down, still struggling to free himself. From a distance he hears a " _hang on Rei!"_ and suddenly his door slides open as if in _slooooow_ motion. And all at once, Rei is there, staring at his naked chest and wet white boxers that show more than one would think. Misato runs up behind her and they have a three way staring contest that lasts about ten seconds.

"GET OUT!" Shinji screeches hopping over to the door on one foot and whipping it closed. His body nearly collapses against. His face is beet red and his ears are fuming.

"I'm sorry _Shinjiiiii_! I didn't think she'd walk right _in_ ," Misato nervously suggests with a chuckle and a wringing of her hands.

"Did you need help Ikari-kun?" Rei asks flatly.

Misato holds her breath.

"NO!" Shinji barks.

About 30 minutes later, Shinji and them finish up dinner while Misato cleans up (by just throwing the empty containers in the already filled sink).

"How about you guys watch some TV or something?" Misato advises, "I'll probably head to bed soon… after a nice beer of course, hah."

"After ' _a_ ' beer, _tch_ ," Shinji whispers.

"Excuse me?"

"Oh! Um, NOTHING Misato-san!"

"That's right," Misato hums. She notices that Shinji slightly nudges Rei's hand to lead her away. She catches the expression Rei makes and it almost makes her do a double take. Shinji doesn't notice but Rei gazes directly at him, and her eyes slowly drift to his lips and back up. She follows him at a distance.

 _I've never seen her do that before,_ Misato thinks. Misato mentally takes a note and heads to her room.

 _Bzzz-paap_

The TV turns on.

…..

…..

Shinji and Rei sit down on the crusty three seater at opposite ends. He absentmindedly flips through channels while checking out Rei from the corner of his eye. He notices how she stares almost blankly at the screen, as if her eyes are glazed over. He wonders if she'd notice him looking. Once Shinji turns his head facing her while clicking through more channels, he takes in the straightness of her back and how she clasps her hands together on her lap. She looks elegant in an odd and perhaps intimidating way. _Click._ He stares at the fullness of her top lip and how her ruby red eyes are so wide they make her look more like an innocent girl than the pilot of a lifeless machine ready to kill. _Click._ His eyes move down her soft neck to the thin chest which clearly displays her bulging clavicle. _Click_. And shamefully he looks at how her decent size breasts overtake her small rib cage. _Click._

 _ **MMMF. Ahhh. Nghhh.**_

Shinji snaps out of his trance and whips his head towards the screen. He catches a blur of skin and nearly falls out of his seat.

"NYAH!"

 _CLICK. Bzzz-Pap._

Shinji breathes slightly heavy and blushes fiercely. He prays Rei didn't notice anything…

"What was that?" asks Rei. Shinji's prayers weren't answered. He clutches the remote so hard it cracks on the side and sits back down. He tries to ignore it and says nothing. "Shinji?"

He hears a rustling and notices Rei sitting close to him now. She reaches over him and takes the remote.

 _Bzzz-Pap. Click._

 _ **Mgghh. Mmmm. Pleaseee. Nrgh.**_

Shinji is flushed from head to toe. He tightly grips the couch with both hands and refuses to look at the screen.

 _ **NGHH! MGHH!**_

"REI!" Shinji flys off the couch and stands in front of the TV with his arms outstretched like a lousy shield. "We're not supposed to be watching this!"

 _Click. Bzzz-Pap._

"Why not?"

"Because! We're not old enough."

"I've never seen that before," Rei comments, "Have you?" Shinji puts his arms down and looks away from her.

"No."

"What were they doing?"

"Rei! You ask such embarrassing questions!"

"Why are they embarrassing?"

"I- I dunno! It's just weird," Shinji finishes. He sighs and walks over to Rei on the couch. He takes a seat and attempts to take up as little space as possible, but he fails to. His thigh and arms inevitably touch Rei's.

"Have you ever kissed someone before?" Rei asks, looking at him.

"No."

…..

Rei silently reaches up to his face and softly turns him to her. Any other time he would have jerked away, but for some reason, the way she's looking at him has him transfixed on her face as well. He barely has a chance to close his eyes before Rei touches her lips to his without a warning. It lasts about a half a second and Rei suddenly releases him and turns away. A startled little noise comes up her throat and she covers her mouth with a fist. His mouth goes agape. Rei has a slight pink tint to her cheeks and ears.

…..

Shinji hesitantly puts his hand on her back near her shoulder.

…..

Rei looks at him again.

…..

Shinji leans in and pecks Rei once more. He pulls back and sees that her eyes are still closed. She puts one hand on his bony chest and pulls him in by his breast pocket. Rei takes the lead and takes in his bottom lip-

"-Oow Rei," Shinji quietly mutters, "to-too ha-hard." She tries again and this time he doesn't say anything. She doesn't know what to do after his lip is in her mouth so she releases quickly.

….

"Um… I don't know either Rei." Shinji scratches the back of his neck, a nervous scowl on his face. "Maybe um… t-tongue?"

"How?"

"I think we just touch them? Hah." Rei grabs him harder this time and Shinji has to swallow a gasp when Rei kisses him roughly and flicks the tip of her tounge onto his lip. He slowly opens his mouth and lets her touch his.

"Mmf," he hears. His heart starts beating out of his chest and he opens one eye to see Rei flushed about as red as him. His mind flashes back to what they saw and he skiddeshly lets go of her.

"R-Rei maybe we should stop?" She lets go of him and sits with her hands in her lap. She's closed off again.

….

Shinji looks at the clock behind him. In big bold blue letters; **10:21 PM.**

"Hey it's kind of late. Um. I should walk home with you."

"I do not need that." Rei stands up and walks to the door putting her shoes on.

"Are...are you mad at me?"

…..

"I am not," she states, finished with her shoes, "I am better alone however."

With that, she closes the door and walks off.


	4. Existentially in Love

**7:37 PM**

"Misato-san?" Shinji timidly sits inside of Misato's dark blue sports car while she drives home from Nerv center. He carefully opens his mouth while wringing his hands together.

"Do you think I could stay over at Rei's?"

 _SCREEEEEEEEEEEE_

Shinji jerks forward so hard that he nearly hits the dashboard with his long nose.

"Wow! Already getting serious, huh Shinji?!" Misato roughly pats him on the back.

 _Cough!_ "No Misato-san," _Cough!_ "It's not like that! She asked _me._ "

"Wowwww! Look at Rei go!" Misato chuckles and drives toward Rei's now.

…..

"Shinji…" Misato quietly starts after a few minutes. "I'm trusting you not to do anything to take advantage of her." Shinji's jaw drops. Misato looks at him. There is no humor on her face anymore. "Do you understand me?"

"Y-yes Misato-san."

"And you need to keep this on the down-low. You know that right?"

….

"Your Father wouldn't be happy with this Shinji." At the mention of his Father, Shinji's mood plummeted. His body became limp in the comfy seat.

" _Why?_ Why can't he see me happy for once?! Why can't he see _Rei_ happy?" Misato pulled into the tight spot in front of Rei's desolate apartment building.

"Some people are unkind Shinji. Not everyone will like you… but not everyone hates you." Shinji lowered his head.

"I bet he hates _me,"_ Shinji whimpers. Misato couldn't say anything, and she lowers her hand that was about to reach out to the boy. "I bet he _loves_ Rei."

"What are you talking about?"

"I saw him- _sniff-_ He was talking to her, and- _sniff-_ they were _LAUGHING._ " Again. Misato failed to say anything. "She hasn't laughed with _me._ She won't even talk to me at school. But then she... _sniff-_ she…" Shinji felt tears fall on his lap and he quickly scrubbed them away.

"She kissed you?" Misato quietly asked. Shinji stopped crying and sat silent. He felt scared that Misato would be mad at him. "I'll be back," and with that Misato got out of the car and marched up the stairs, locking Shinji in the car. Shinji watches her with wide nervous eyes as he tries to unlock the car from the inside. No good.

 _Knock Knock_

"Rei?" Misato called.

 _Screeeeeeee_

"Yes Commander?" Rei responded.

"Aren't you gonna ask where Shinji is?" Rei looked over the banister behind Misato and pointed at the car with a frantic Shinji inside. "Fair enough," Misato shrugged. "May I ask you something?"

"Yes Commander?"

"It's just 'Misato-san' out _here_ Rei."

"Yes Misato-san?"

"What are you trying to do with him?"

"I am not sure what you mean." Misato smirks and crosses her arms, looking down at Rei past her nose.

"You kissed him?"

"Yes Misato-san."

"Have you had sex?"

"No Misato-san."

"Good…" A moment passes. It's utterly still. "Do you love him?"

….

"I am not sure Misato-san."

"Are you capable?"

….

"I am not sure Misato-san."

….

Misato releases her arms, and they hang limp at her sides.

"Please don't hurt him Rei."

….

"I will not."

 **8:32 PM**

The wet sound of lips interlocking fills up the room. The two were curled up on her bed, knees touching and hands cautiously resting on each other's shoulders. Shinji feels hot not just in his face, but it seems to spread all over like a virus pumping his veins. They seperate, and Shinji and Rei both pant lightly. This is the third time they've done this in a row. Shinji doesn't know what _this_ is, but he knows he's starting to become dependent on it already. Yesterday a bunch of boys at school decided to try picking on him. No one was there to save him until Touji came in and yelled loud enough for all the girls to walk into class for something to gossip about. When class finished he decided he _needed_ to see Rei. She allowed him to walk half-way home with her and pulled him into a secluded alleyway. It lasted two minutes but it was better than the first time.

"Rei… was Misato-san mean to you?" The question was out of nowhere, but it fell out of his mouth anyway.

"No," she quickly answered, "She wanted to know what we were doing."

….

"What _are_ we doing?"

"Kissing." Shinji giggled, surprising himself and Rei alike. "I have never seen you laugh," she stated. Her eyes were slightly widened.

"I haven't for a long time," Shinji stared into red. _What am I feeling? What do I feel for you, Rei? It feels so good. And it's only ever with you. Rei… I…._ Shinji teared up immediately. Rei holds the back of his neck with both hands and gets closer so their noses bump.

 _Why am I doing this? Why do I let myself touch him? Why is he crying? What do I feel for him?_

"Rei…"

"Shinji…"

"R-Rei. I-I think I-love…"

….

"I love you," Rei confesses warmly. Shinji's eyes grow to the size of baseballs. Rei smiles at him for the first time. He feels his heart expand about three sizes and immediately pulls her in for the tightest hug he could possibly give. She loosely holds him back as he shoves his face into her neck.

"Please Rei! Please don't be lying to me! _SNIFF-_ I couldn't take it!"

"I am not lying," she whispers into his ear, "I love you Shinji."


	5. Existentially Getting Closer

**8:14 AM**

Shinji's once again the first to class. _Hardly anyone shows up to class on Saturdays. I hope Rei does though._ Shinji closes his eyes and there's a small smile on his face. _She said she loved me yesterday… I hope she really did mean it._ He stares at the massive cracked clock that hangs above the whiteboard.

 _ **Tick. Tick. Tick.**_

He closes his eyes again. _Rei… I love when you smile. I love when you hold my hand. I love when you let me hold onto you. I love when we get to sit together. I love looking at you. I love kissing you. I'd love to…_

"Nrgh!" Shinji gasps. He instinctively closes his legs and covers his lap with both hands. _HEH. Better not think of that stuff at school…._

"Shinji," Rei calls out from behind. "Would you like to eat together today?" Rei walks up to him with two dingy indigo bento boxes. Shinji politely stands up and accepts one graciously.

"Really Rei?! I'd love to!" Shinji smiles cheek to cheek and Rei finds it infectious as her mouth widens too. Her eyes drop in embarrassment and she spots something unusual to her. She points to his groin.

"Wha-"

"UH _NOTHING_!" Shinji spins around and collapses back into his seat smiling and laughing nervously at her. People start coming into the room now interrupting the awkwardness by talking so loudly and drumming desks.

"DIDYOUSEEHOWCUTETOUJILOOKEDINTHATOUTFIT?!"

"TOTALLY,HE'SNEVERLOOKEDCUTER!YOUSHOULDGOFORHIM!"

Shinji shakes his head. _So many girls talk about him but he never seems to date any._

"Shin-Man! How's it hangin'?" Touji's hollering from outside the room as usual, and that has Shinji rolling his eyes. All the girls collectively look at him and squeak, yet Touji doesn't seem to notice. He walks right past Rei, brushing her shoulder to lean over Shinji's chair. Rei seems to not think anything of it, however, Shinji does not take it so lightly.

"Touji!" Shinji gets up from his chair again and defensively stands next to Rei. "Don't just _walk_ into her, you _see_ her standing there don't you?" The class seems to go quiet except for some boys in the back that seem to chant _fightfightfightfight!_

"What's the big deal? I just brushed her. She's fine-"

"-It doesn't matter if she's _fine_! It's just rude… just… don't hurt her again." Shinji looks down and balls up his fists. Rei places a hand on his back and beckons him to look at her.

"I have no physical ailments; I am safe… but thank you." Rei smiles at him and they both almost forget where they are when they lean in for a kiss.

"WOAH!" Touji belts. Everyone in the class starts _ooooooooh_ -ing and _aaaaaawwwww-_ ing. Shinji and Rei both turn red, scratching their necks.

"Sorry Rei-san," Touji sincerely says, "I didn't realize you two were official now." Touji turns around and sees the bento box, "Oh wow, you're _that_ far huh? I need a girl to do things for me too; how'd _you_ get one?" Shinji shakes his head and rolls his eyes.

"Yeah… it's not like that. I imagine we could switch off," he looks toward Rei and she nods, taking his hand. Touji makes a _**HAH!**_ And mumbles _loser,_ before throwing himself down at his desk.

 **4:28 PM**

The once sad and lonely room for Rei's captivity is now starting to look alive and well. Shinji insisted that they stop by a shabby little department store on the way from school. Shinji is now in the corner of the room fiddling with the newly bought standing-lamp. Rei is by the stove trying to decipher the directions for how to make rice balls and ramen. They've been cleaning for the better part of an hour.

 **Beep-Beep**

"Oh crap, I forgot to call Misato-san." Shinji pulls his phone out and answers to a-

"Shinji! Why do you not call me?! What did I even get you a phone for?"

"I know Misato-san I just forgot; Rei and I have been cleaning and stuff."

"Ah, ok. Just so you know, there's no reason to come into Nerv tomorrow, the adults and I are gonna be doing boring political nonsense." Misato sighs, Shinji can visualize the eyeroll.

"Um," Shinji looks over to Rei still struggling with the dinner, "Misato-san… do you think I could, um… s-stay over here tonight?" Shinji grits his teeth.

…..

"Shinji, do you think I don't know what you're planning?"

"Hah! Misato-san! I-I'm not planning anything! Hah." Shinji slaps his forehead and swallows his spit.

"Sure sure. I'll believe that once the sky turns green," Misato remarks. "Do you at least have protection?" Shinji turns around to see if Rei is listening. He starts to bob up and down slightly.

"I… _tried_ to… but she followed me too closely, heh." Shinji grinned uncomfortably. _Is this normal to talk about with your guardian?_ Misato sighs loudly. _I'm sure he's only jumping into sex because his friends talk about it every second,_ Misato thinks, running a hand through her hair on the other end. _I can't say I blame him… the world we're living in could literally end at the tip of a hat. Why not have some fun? ...Maybe I should live by my own words of wisdom,_ she chuckles.

"Fine, can't believe I'm doing this; do you need me to bring something by?"

"Uh-heh, Um… _maybe_? ...Please? Sorry." Rei places their dinner on the table and sits down, tucking herself in and placing a napkin on her lap. She looks at him expectantly and Shinji hesitantly whispers _one minute please!_

"Alright. I'll be there at six. Be a good boy 'till then," and with that, she hangs up. _That was weirddd,_ he thinks with a groan. He finally sits down to smell the odor emanating from the ramen.

"What did Misato-san want?"

"Oh, um, I didn't ask you, but," Shinji takes a sip of the soup and winces, _way too spicy, "_ She said I can spend the night. We don't have to go to Nerv tomorrow."

"I see."

….

"I can go home if you didn't-"

"-No!" Rei surprised them both at how loud her voice got. "I… would like you to stay. I'm just slightly nervous." Rei takes a gulp of soup.

"Why? It's just me." Shinji smiles to reassure her but she doesn't seem to be any different.

"I anticipate," Rei bites her rice ball and looks away, "that you wish to 'have sex.'" Shinji regrets drinking at that moment.

 _ **SPLUT. COUGH.**_

"Why do you think that?" Shinji clenches his chest, the spices seemed to be giving him symptoms of acid reflux and it feels like it's all creeping up his esophagus. _Crap! I shouldn't have asked Misato-san to bring that stuff! Now Rei will be uncomfortable and she'll hate me and-!_

"Your phone volume was quite loud," Rei continues to eat. Shinji turns bright red and freezes in place. _Should I pretend I didn't mean that? Or should I just tell her the truth?_

…..

Rei stands up and takes their plates and bowls to the sink, rinsing them out thoroughly.

"Rei, I'm sorry," Shinji clasps her from behind and she supports herself by grasping onto the sink, she feels slightly hot with how intimate this seems. "I didn't mean to make you feel weird. I...don't really know what I'm doing." Rei turns around in his arms and their faces are merely two inches away. She tugs on his shirt collar and kisses him soundly. His hands travel down her back to her small waist and he digs his fingers into her the harder she kisses him. She makes a loud whine and he pulls back. "S-sorry!"

"No… I liked it."

….

"Rei can you sit on the sink?" She nods and lifts herself up. He immediately gets between her legs and puts his hands on either side of her hips. She timidly looks down to her lap and interlocks her hands behind his neck. Shinji can't make eye contact either, so he rests his chin on her shoulder. "Do you still love me?"

"Yes."

"Do you not want to… uh, _you know_?"

….

"I do," they both shiver slightly. "I am still very nervous," she whispers against his ear. She threads her skinny fingers through his hair and he closes his eyes. He puts his hands on her back and slowly, shakily, moves up to the top button of her dress. _I have no freakin' idea how to do this! What if I can't open it?!_ He undoes one button and lets out a sigh of relief. For a second he panics again. Rei moves backward, but then she helps him and undoes her dress to reveal her light blue bra without any pattern decorating it. She lets him stare and then starts to unhook it. Shinji's eyes widen when she finally rests the bra on the counter by her backside. "I know you will not take advantage of me."

"I would never," he defends confidently.

….

"You can touch me now," Rei urges. Shinji blushes and sucks in a breath. He automatically reaches to one of her breasts. He constantly checks to see if she's resistant or not. _So. I'm here. I'm doing this. Um. I think I? Uh._ Shinji releases her. Rei looks down at him, confused.

"I have no idea what to do."

….

"If I ask for something will you do it?" Shinji nods. "Kiss them." Shinji gulps but with a sudden burst of confidence, he holds her waist with one arm and holds her breast in his mouth with the other. "Mmmf." She holds his head pressing him harder to her breast. _Oh my God… this is the most amazing thing I have ever ever ever ever-_

 **Knock Knock**

Shinji and Rei fly apart and frantically put themselves together.

"I think I will shower," Rei states and hurries into the bathroom giving Shinji no choice but to face Misato alone. _Alright. Here I go._ Shinji slides open the door.

 **SHTTT!**

A bag goes flying at his head, but luckily he catches it, flinching hard. Misato is sporting a baseball hat and some black glasses that cover nearly her whole face.

"Don't ask me to do this again. It is the _WORST_ when you have to buy condoms and the guy at the counter says, 'got anyone to use this with?'" Shinji cringes and his legs shake under him. _Yikes._

"Well, thank you."

"Yeah yeah," Misato starts walking away waving him off. "There's a banana in there if you need to practice getting them on." Shinji coughs and ignores what she says. He waves her goodbye and opens the bag.

 _Alright. Tonight is the night._


	6. Existentially Fucked

**Existentially Fucked**

 **Final**

 **5:29 PM**

The shower hums while Shinji frantically opens the box of six condoms. _Alright soooo_ _ **ripp**_ _I think I open this andddd… where's the banana?_ He looks around and spots it at the bottom of the black plastic bag. _Ok sooo, put it on the tip andddd pull it?_ **SNIRR** _SHIT! I almost ripped it. Well I won't use this one anyway._ He tosses it into the trash under the dripping sink with the banana. He decides to put the rest back in the bag and places it under the bed.

…..

 _Am I supposed to shower too? I think I saw that in a movie once?_ He puts his shirt to his nose. _**Sniff**_ _. I'm good._ He leans on the bed awkwardly and nearly slips off just as the shower head goes off. He hears the sound of Rei shuffling and then a slide of the door.

"Holy shit."

"What?" Rei asks.

"You're not wearing clothes," Shinji mumbles. His eyes are glued to her groin, "You're… _really_ hot." Shinji puts a hand to his forehead and cringes. _That was so lame._ Rei slightly laughs and reaches for a towel. "Wait wait-oh," Shinji realized she was just drying her hair, "Sorry". Rei leaves the towel around her neck and walks to push Shinji to sit on the bed with one hand. _THIS IS REALLY HAPPENING?!_ Rei sits on top straddling his clothed waist. Shinji's so still she can't even tell if he's breathing at this point.

"Shinji?"

…..

"Shinji?"

"HM? Oh! Uh. Yeah. Sorry. Hah," Shinji shakes his head and starts to undo his shirt. Once it's off he immediately shivers and covers his torso with his arms. _Jesus this place is cold._

"You could use me t-to get… warm," Rei stutters. Shinji looks up bewildered. _Rei's so red. I've never even heard her stutter before. I need to get myself together._ Shinji pulls Rei against him and hears a sound of contentment from her. She's loosely holding her arms around his trapezius muscle.

"Guess you were right Rei, I do feel warmer against you," Shinji whispers. Rei shivers at how close he is to her ear.

"That… feels good when you talk like that."

"Does it?" He says closer to her ear. She makes a _mm_ sound and unwraps the towel from her neck. Shinji takes that as a sign to kiss timidly along the underside of her jaw. _Mmmm_ she says again. He notices how she's slightly pushing down on his shoulders, so he decides to move to her breasts while holding just her waist.

" _Nrgh,_ _ **Shinji**_ ," Rei starts to slightly rock on his lap and nip her own lip. _GAHHHH SHE'S TOO MUCH FOR ME! I can't TAKE IT!_ Shinji takes the initiative to flip Rei onto her back, stunning them both. Shinji takes a second to think about everything. _I get to be here with her. Someone I can say I love and loves me back. This is… something really special. I'm not worth this. I don't deserve it._ That makes Shinji stop, he frowns, _I really don't deserve this._ His eyes wander all over her body. _Look how beautiful she is… what's she even doing with me?_

"What's wrong?" Rei queries. She brushes the hair from his face with her tiny finger tips.

"Rei… we shouldn't. I'm not…"

….

"Are you not 'hard' enough?"

"What the? How'd you even hear of that?"

"Touji is loud in class."

"Jeeeez, why am I not surprised," Shinji lays down on top of Rei and wraps his arms around her back. She holds him back. "I'm just unsure Rei… I feel like I don't… _deserve_ this."

"I believe what you deserve is all in your head. You do not 'deserve' anything," she states factually. It wasn't what Shinji wanted to hear.

"So what's the point of any of this. You're just leading me on like everyone else aren't you?" Shinji has not moved from his spot on Rei's chest.

"I am not. I do love you. I have never felt such a way before, and I'm not sure I will again. You may not 'deserve' it, but I am willing to give you everything I possibly could… Shinji."

….

"I love you too Rei, I'm… sorry I doubted you," Shinji says making eye contact with her. She kisses him so softly he could barely feel it. His heart and hers ache at the same moment. "Oh yeah," he interrupts, "I have to put the stuff on."

"Alright."

He hops off the bed now hurrying to break a pack open. _**RIPP**_ _crap I haven't even taken my pants off yet._ Shinji glances up to see Rei staring at his body like he's done to her so many times. _This is weird… bound to happen I guess._ _ **Rustle Clink Rustle.**_ Shinji's pants fall to the floor along with his baggy pinstripe boxers. He stands and shuts his eyes.

"Sorry… not much to se- _NYYGH._ _ **REI**_!"

Rei didn't give him a second's notice before taking his penis between her lips. _MY BRAIN! I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS! I DIDN'T THINK SHE'D-_ " _ **NMPPPHHH**_!" Shinji has to grasp the bed sheets for support. His mouth is so wide that both his fists could fit in it. Rei's holding onto his skinny waist while sucking hard on his head. Shinji's eyes roll into his head when he hears and feels the _mmmmmm_ from the back of her neck travel from his penis to the rest of his body.

"R-Rei-it's too g-good I can't for- _long nrgh!_ "

"Mmm-hmm" she chokes out, not willing to give up yet. He looks down to see her head bobbing up and down. _Jesus Christ I'm gonna die. I can't TAKE this!_

" _ **Gyngh!**_ Rei stop!"

She stands up immediately and licks the corners of her mouth. His heart is beating so rapidly they can both hear it over his frantic breaths.

" _Jeeez Rei_!" Shinji collapses onto the bed on his front side, "I can't believe how good you were at that. _Howwww_?"

"I paid attention to that video we saw at Misato-san's apartment last time."

Shinji cringes at the flashback. _That was so embarrassing. But WOW. She… really learns fast._

"Shinji. I don't believe you will fit in me."

….

"So what do I do?"

"...I believe you'll need to use your fingers first."

Shinji jumps up and immediately pulls the sheets back to lay Rei down. He cautiously puts the condom on. _Don't break don't break. Got it!_ He lays down next to Rei and rests on one bent arm using the other to pull up the covers.

"Rei have you e-ever used your f-fingers for _that?_ "

"I've never felt the need. So I do not really know how, but I know where it is."

"R-right. Can you move my hand to it?"

Rei puts on bent leg over his thigh and spreads herself slightly. Shinji outwardly moans when Rei guides his slender wrist over her breasts and stomach to the apex of her thighs. His fingers dip into her folds to find them soaked with thin secretion.

" _ **Grgnnnn!**_ " they moan at the same time. Both of their mouths are slightly open in a mixture of surprise and arousal. Shinji stares at the expressions that pass over her face as he touches around and unintentionally forces his middle finger in her.

" _ **UNGH!**_ Shinji! _Nff._ " Rei clutches his back as her head goes back. The veins in her neck tense and release as she quietly moans on and off while he slowly moves his finger inside her. He finds a spot that's slightly squishier and decides to press on that again and again. "Shinji, _mnr,_ that spot is… _mmf_ good." Shinji nods and tries to kiss her while pressing in the same spot. He starts moving faster and Rei's hips start jerking to the same pace. She starts to breathe so heavily that Shinji can't even kiss her anymore. He pushes in his other finger and starts to hit her as deep as possible. _Wow. I'd have never imagined it'd feel this good just to watch her._ " _Shinji_! N-no more right now-I want you to be in me."

"Alright. I'm ready too," Shinji breathlessly replies. He takes his fingers out of her and inspects them. _I've never seen stuff like this before. I wonder if…_ he puts a finger to his mouth and licks. Rei looks at him wide eyed then winces. "No Rei, it's… really good." She lets out a breath and lays back down. He finally gets on top of her after getting his foot caught in the blanket. His elbows are holding him up over her locked tight while she rubs up and down his ribs. They're both too nervous to really say anything so they find comfort in their touches. "Can you lead it in?"

"Yes," Rei takes his covered penis in her hand and places his tip at her opening, "I want this. I really, _really_ want this Shinji."

"Me too Rei, me too."

Shinji forces himself in her. Rei tenses up and makes a loud groan of pain.

"O-ow."

"I'm so sorry Rei," Shinji pauses and kisses the side of her face, "Should I stop?"

"No, just… be _slow_."

"I will," he whispers. _Alright be slow. Be slow. Don't hurt her._ His waist pulls back and pushes in a bit too far on his first attempt. She writhes around a bit in discomfort. He starts in then out trying to not let himself fall out of her. _Ungh, this is starting to feel really really good._ "Rei does it feel good? Are you ok?"

"It- _nrr-_ hurts a little but- _mmm-_ f-feels good too."

Shinji lowers his body onto his forearms and Rei easily wraps her legs and arms around his back. He starts moving a bit faster trying to reach different spots inside of her. _Grr-I don't know how long I can hold this._ Rei's insides pulsate against the latex over and over making them both grit their teeth. Shinji hides his face in Rei's neck as she continuously scratches his back. He starts to move faster once again and the headboard starts to _dff dff dff_ on the wall. Again he speeds up to make a _dfftr dfftr dfftr_ sound. Rei lets out an _Unrgh_ and Shinji immediately lifts himself from his forearms and puts his forehead to hers. He pauses and they look straight at each other while panting.

"R-Rei… I c-can't for that l-long."

"Can you wait for me?"

"I c-can," Shinji stutters, "Can we go f-faster?"

"Yes."

Shinji beams and kisses Rei soft on the lips. Keeping his arms out and elbows locked as he starts. They both exhale. His hands grab and twists the sheets on either side of her body while he feels all of his back muscles stiffen up. His waist immediately starts to move and dig deeper inside of her. _Mrr. Mfrr._ He goes faster. _Ungh. Fmm-ungh._ Her hips start to move with him. _Gngh, hmm._ Shinji uses one hand to hold himself up on Rei's hipbone as leverage. _NRGH! Hah-ng._ Rei's fingers dig into his shoulder blade as her head falls back into the pillow. _Fuuu-kyah._ Shinji goes faster and jerks into her harder. _Ungh. Unmmh._ Rei and Shinji are both moving their hips so rapidly that their rhythms can hardly match anymore.

"Rei! _Nrgh!_ I c-can-n't!"

"M- _Mrghh-e_ either."

Shinji does what feels right and wraps his arms under Rei's back hugging her to him as he slams them to a finish.

" **GYAH!** _NGGGG!_ " Shinji cries as he bursts.

" _MFFFF!_ _ **Hmmf!"**_ Rei moans as her insides contract and release again and again with his penis completely emerged in her hymen. Shinji pulls out of Rei and immediately plops on to the jankey bed hitting the wall with a _THUNK_.

"Are you ok Shinji?" Rei turns her body to him and winces. He rubs his head and frowns.

"More than ok. Are you?"

Rei places a hand an inch below her navel and brings her legs tightly together.

"It seems as though it hurts more than expected." _Dammit, I should've been slower._

"I'm sorry I didn't want to make it h-"

Rei stops him with a hard closed-mouth kiss.

"Don't be. I… never thought I'd experience such a thing. Especially with someone I would be in love with."

Rei's cold words bring a contrasting warmth to Shinji's heart. Her lips slightly turn upwards into a delicate smile and Shinji can't help but do the same. He takes her in his arms and whispers _IloveyousomuchIloveryousomuchIloveyousomuch_ until he turns blue in the face.

 **Two Days Later**

 **11:41 AM in Germany**

"Misato-san," Rei uncomfortably shouts, "For what purpose are we visiting the U.N. at this moment?"

Misato dramatically turns around from her seat next to the helicopter pilot and stares at both Rei and Shinji. They're sitting as close as possible to one another in their restrictive seat belts. The doors to the black metallic helicopter are wide open as they slowly come to a landing on top of a German military ship.

"Well dear children, it seems as if there's another lucky pilot who will is willing to fight the _good_ fight!" Misato says with a smirk and an exaggerated thumbs up. The two in the back were not amused.

"Why the hell would they _WANT to?!_ " Shinji yelps wide-eyed. As if on que, the plane lands and they're ushered out the helicopter by German soldiers.

Misato with arms crossed sighs and shakes her head as the three of them stand on the creaky wooden deck of the ship. Rei stands with a straight back and her hands folded in front of her. Shinji wildly looks around feeling flabbergasted by how rude everyone seems to be here. All of a sudden…

" **HEY YOU!"**

All three of them look up, squinting at the sun, to spot a girl with her legs strongly planted on top of a landing pad.

" **YOU ALL BETTER BE READY FOR ME! I'M THE BEST AROUND!"**

"Aaaaand with _that_ ," Misato laughs, "You've officially met Asuka."

Both Rei and Shinji both look at each other….then back to Misato.

"Our _new_ pilot."

…..

" _ **WHAT?!"**_

 **END.**


End file.
